Parenting.

Okay, first of all, I did another hour on the elliptical day before yesterday. I haven't been feeling very well this week, so I've been trying to take it kind of easy. My legs are killing me. It's wrapping around the sides of my calves and really tender. I've ordered new shoes, but they're taking forever to ship. Hopefully that'll help. Anyway, I did an hour on the elliptical, 30 min forward and 30 min backward. Burned 800 calories. I made sure that I'd had a good breakfast and lots of water this time, and I didn't have any problems afterward. Yay!

So, parenting. I've decided that parenting is like having secondary ADD. Children grow, turn into teenagers and assume that their parents are morons largely because they can't seem to remember what it was that they were doing most of the time. There is a reason for this. Before your parents were parents, they didn't have these problems. Then you were born and it began.

I'll start to do something, or think of starting to do something, and just when I get motivated to do it, or have just begun the task it's;

Kid - "Mommy? Mommy? Mom? Mom? MOMMY? LISTEN?"

Mom - "Hang on a minute, honey, let me finish..."

Kid - "But, Mommy, it's really important, just it's, LISTEN."

Mom - (Assuming that there's a boo boo or the toilet is overflowing, pauses in train of thought.) "Okay, what?"

Kid - " I went to the bathroom, and my poop looked just like a DINOSAUR!"

Mom - "Um, well, that's super honey, but it really could have waited until I NO BAD DOG! BAD DOG!! WE DO NOT CHEW ON THE KITTY!"

Mom rescues kitty from jaws of labrobeast, sits back down.

Mom - "Now, can you please go play in your room so that I can NO BAD KITTY! I DID NOT SAVE YOU FROM THE DOG SO THAT YOU CAN PEE ON MY CARPET! DAMN IT!"

Cat bastard scurries into basement and Mom places kitty door cover over kitty door. Cat bastard officially changes name to basement Kitteh. Mom spends half an hour cleaning cat pee out of carpet, full knowing that the smell is never going to completely come out, and the playroom is forever going to smell like cat pee. Mom begins daydreaming about new carpets. Realizes new carpets aren't in the budget, so starts daydreaming about vacation where at least the pets are boarded.

Kid - "Mommy? Do you want to see my dinosaur poop now?"

Mom - "No, not really. You haven't flushed it away yet? Go flush it already."

Kid - "It won't flush."

Mom - Sighs heavily and wonders if 8:45 AM is too early for a drink. Figures it probably is, and goes to deal with dinosaur poop. Figures out toilet problem after call to husband, who is trying to work, but is very amused at mom's quickly told tale of morning events after he escaped with his coffee. Mom makes mental note to smack him later for his snorting now. WHY DOES THIS NEVER HAPPEN WHEN HE'S HOME?? Mom remembers that she's got to do the whites or no one is going to have any socks this weekend that don't have Santa Clause on them and walks through kitchen. Walking through kitchen triggers a figment of memory, and mom tries to remember what she was doing before everyone lost their minds/ control of their bodily functions. Catches a whiff of cat pee in now ruined carpet and forgets it. Goes downstairs to do laundry and berate basement Kitteh for ruining her carpet. (Yes, he's been to the vet. He's on medication for a urinary tract infection. That makes it diagnosed. STILL NOT COOL!)

See? We're not idiots. We just haven't been able to finish a freaking thought because of the chaos around us. Eventually, the synapses in the brain that used to be capable of starting and finishing a task without any trouble break in half, and our bodies become so accustomed to our fight or flight response being triggered every half hour that we start to have paranoia when the house is quiet for an unusually long period of time.

This is why we take such delight in embarrassing our children when they're older.